1902-1971, American Humorous Poet
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Ogden Nash – [Dogs]
A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
Ogden Nash – [Husbands]
And one of his partners asked ''Has he vertigo?'' and the other glanced out and down and said ''Oh no, only about ten feet more.''
Ogden Nash – [Suicide]
Candy, is dandy, but Liquor, is quicker.
Ogden Nash – [Alcohol and Alcoholism]
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.
Ogden Nash – [Children]
Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
Ogden Nash – [New Year]
Good wine needs no bush, and perhaps products that people really want need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.
Ogden Nash – [Advertising]
Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures — take them, George, they're yours!
Ogden Nash – [Office]
How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!
Ogden Nash – [Obesity]
I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
Ogden Nash – [News]
I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.
Ogden Nash – [Riches]
I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
Ogden Nash – [Conscience]
If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.
Ogden Nash – [Wives]
If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
Ogden Nash – [Work]
Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year.
Ogden Nash – [Seasons]
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
Ogden Nash – [Life and Living]
Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope.
Ogden Nash – [Hope]
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.
Ogden Nash – [Marriage]
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Ogden Nash – [Age and Aging]
No matter how deep and dark your pit, how dank your shroud, their heads are heroically unbloody and unbowed.
Ogden Nash – [Grief]